stand in the cold, somewhere on a desolate corner of Philadelphia's Jefferson University Hospital; and I full-heartedly intake the carcinogenic fumes into my fresh lungs. It labors my breathing as the red blood cells are filled with nothing good to come.
Are you going to judge me now?
No, you can’t. Because you weren’t there.
Let’s all grit our teeth, fake a smile and delude ourselves with laughter on a sunny afternoon.
The herd of us enter the clean building; it’s dressed to kill. White walls, glass skylights. Sanitized, ammonia and antiseptic scented. We soon flood the ICU 5th floor with our naivete. Our voices are rhythmical, like a Shakespearean sonnet gone very wrong, the agitating echoes of the iambic pentameter banging against the doldrums.
Lucky room number 4. My uncle, he is crouched comfortably on an arm chair but as soon as he catches sight of familiar faces, his eyes light up and he impatiently pulls all the wires off his blood vessels, disconnecting himself from the beeping monitors. He thinks we’re there to take him home today. You all laugh about this and raise your voices until the nurses come around to reconnect the cords that he so loathes. The rest of them are ordered to wait in the family room with the NFL game on. They continue to admire the glass walls, skylights and structure of empty balconies.
No, you weren’t there.
It is only me and my aunt who remain. While you all banter away, discussing summer vacation plans to the Bahamas and next week's trip to Hong Kong, it may be the last season for this man. But placing all negativity aside, I think back to the humble ending of Requiem for a Dream, the way every single character is calm and composed in a fetal position. Was this the final return to innocence? Solitude.
Like a cranky child, he frets with the nurses. Confused and bewildered, he gets crankier when they explain their procedures in a foreign language that only excacerbates. His back is bare and exposed against the gown. I notice how his skin is still smooth like a baby's as it glistens against the light. He is a bit embarassed knowing that I am in the room. I step out without a word.
He gets up now, quick! Like a fish darting out of a pond, his body stumbles hastily next to the unfinished buttered biscuits on the lunch tray and red hermetic bins by the wall. He creeps into the bed and falls into the same position again, with needles to his neck and wires tangled up. They try to fix him up. One points to the monitor and then to his own heart. The cords are there for your (points).
“Heart? No, hurt.” he answers. Funny how these two words get mixed up with eachother.
They attempt to strip him down, replacing the soiled gown with a fresh one, with white blankets and all. “What’s happpening? Who are you?” They call me back in to translate for him, calm him down.
I falter to answer Nurse Holly. She is a strong one, you can tell. Long blond hair, blue eyes and thick arms, she thinks she can carry the entire weight of the world on her thin shoulders, I assume. She fakes a smile and attempts to carry him to bed earlier. This is your brother. Not senile. Not an object. He tried to run away in the morning because he did not know where he was, she recalls. He refuses to look into her yellow flashlight. You can barely distinguish his pupils. She fakes another smile and goes away for a moment.
Holly returns with needles, some sort of sedative, waiting for the doctor for 10-15 minutes to replace the tubes in my uncle’s neck. He must lay on his back, she clarifies, that he will surely reopen his incisions the way he is positioning himself. He remains with his knees against his frail chest, and reaches to scratch the wound, heightening the sensation across his skin.
In the entirety of my visit, she asks me to translate for the wife.
“Can we give it to him?” she asks, to inject something foreign, invade him, calm him with the holy needle so that they may be able to replace the tubes.
I think for a second and say, “If you can?” I have no idea what to do at this point. I am rueful of every word. It’s almost 4 PM.
He rests now because he has not slept at all in the morning while we were previously bantering away, frolicking and eating what we want, poisoning our bodies all we can with sweets and salts on our wounded souls. For all we know, in the back of our minds, we’ll resemble something similar, sometime soon. Hopefully not too soon. We shield ourselves from other’s misfortunes with talks of wealth, cars, clothes and what we do not have.
I stand in the tiny room, knowing I can not run from fear. Barely audible, but persistent with his strong will, he recognizes us but not where he is. Nurse Holly tells me he was previously disoriented but not medicated. I stand at a safe distance, avoiding eye contact. Slowly but surely, I grit my teeth and bear a wide smile, grinning from ear to ear. We leave on a quieter note. Carefully, I run my hands through my mother’s locks of hair in the elevator. It is thin but quite soft.
What to say, what to say?
Shut up, I think in the back of my mind as everyone else calls him a child. He was such a brat during his early years. A rebel, an orphan, vulnerable now. They continue their bantering in the car. We talk of other things, like Mormons and the "wrong religions." On another note, I inform them that there was a trailer bus parked in front of Sullivan at NYU the other night, with the words "Welcome Home" tattooed to the front of the hood. The people inside were hippy-like, long beards, long skirts and multiple wives? Can they persuade NYU students, one asks.
"No of course not, we're democrats." As if that reply made any sense at all!
Then, talks of babies. In the beginning of October, after NY Cares day in Brooklyn, I heard a baby crying on the chute when we were already in the subway station of the G train. I called the cops on the payphone because I didn't want it to be another dumpster baby. The shrieks were pretty loud, coming from the sewer? Moving on...
We ride to the gleaming sunset with numbing thoughts and I glare at the greenery that reddens across the freeway, it deadens as it fades into the dark of night. It is absolutely beautiful.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
Obama @ NYU
It’s been one crazy September, that’s for sure! Doesn’t it seem like the semester is just flying by? I’m having a lot of fun at NY so far because:
1) I get to intern with the magazine that I’ve adored for the past five to six years!
2) I get to to spend time with some amazing friends who also commute from out of state to NYU and
3) a lot of great NYC events went down as we inch toward the new year…just last Thursday (same day as the Moon festival), I was at Washington Square Park for Democratic candidate Barack Obama’s rally.
Well actually, it was more like, I was in my journalism class for a good hour when our professor gave in to the noise across the street and let us leave early for “ amateur reporting” so I took some pix and vids of the scene and speech under the famous arch.
“Change happens from the bottom up,” he declared as he swayed the crowds’ support under the full moon. Wow, I thought. I was glad he spoke that night because it definitely influenced a lot of people my age, the youth of the nation that are basically the future leaders this country. It was great to see a politician tell us his views and goals and not just on TV.
“I can’t vote…but I want you to, for me.” said a friend. She wasn’t a citizen yet but her eyes gleamed as she listened to Obama’s words as he spoke of her home country, Phillipines. It was as if he was voicing the voiceless.
The speech was followed by the blasting tune of Yellowcard’s “Believe” (track on album,. Ocean Avenue 2003) which let me to ponder, can we believe in everything promised such as getting the nation out of the disposition at Iraq or improve health plans? Are things going to get better? I think so. I mean, no matter who you choose to be your next leader, I hope you get out there-be involved with what’s currently happening and be constantly informed. A great way is to join school activities such as the debate team, community service, Model UN or your student government; also read the paper and register if you are of age.
xoxo,
Cindy
cyeung@hearst.com
1) I get to intern with the magazine that I’ve adored for the past five to six years!
2) I get to to spend time with some amazing friends who also commute from out of state to NYU and
3) a lot of great NYC events went down as we inch toward the new year…just last Thursday (same day as the Moon festival), I was at Washington Square Park for Democratic candidate Barack Obama’s rally.
Well actually, it was more like, I was in my journalism class for a good hour when our professor gave in to the noise across the street and let us leave early for “ amateur reporting” so I took some pix and vids of the scene and speech under the famous arch.
“Change happens from the bottom up,” he declared as he swayed the crowds’ support under the full moon. Wow, I thought. I was glad he spoke that night because it definitely influenced a lot of people my age, the youth of the nation that are basically the future leaders this country. It was great to see a politician tell us his views and goals and not just on TV.
“I can’t vote…but I want you to, for me.” said a friend. She wasn’t a citizen yet but her eyes gleamed as she listened to Obama’s words as he spoke of her home country, Phillipines. It was as if he was voicing the voiceless.
The speech was followed by the blasting tune of Yellowcard’s “Believe” (track on album,. Ocean Avenue 2003) which let me to ponder, can we believe in everything promised such as getting the nation out of the disposition at Iraq or improve health plans? Are things going to get better? I think so. I mean, no matter who you choose to be your next leader, I hope you get out there-be involved with what’s currently happening and be constantly informed. A great way is to join school activities such as the debate team, community service, Model UN or your student government; also read the paper and register if you are of age.
xoxo,
Cindy
cyeung@hearst.com
Sunday, September 30, 2007
1st Book Review
BOOK REVIEW:
Title: A Little Friendly Advice
Author: Siobhan Vivian
Review by: Cindy Yeung
Oh, the woes of teenage drama, especially ones that involve your family and childhood friends.
Except that, having a glimpse of somebody else’s problem,s if only for a little while, can provide you with pragmatic insight on relationships other than your own. A Little Friendly Advice does just that. Not only does the title correlate to the characters of the novel, but the revelations they share also goes for the reader as well.
In her debut novel, Siobhan Vivian (that’s pronounced Shove-on) develops a dramatic narrative among four friends, Ruby, Beth, Maria and Katheirne. Although reminiscent to 2005’s film, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, everything occurs in a a little more than a week, between the sixteenth birthdays of protagonist, Ruby and her best friend, Beth.
Although each of the girl’s have their own problems, their troubles usually washes away after a routine hang out. The story is mostly told in Ruby’s point of view and through terse conversations between the girls. Because of their busy and different lifestyles, it’s quite impressive how Vivian depicts each of them with their own eccentricities and quirky personalities.The novel has its own quiet power, as characters progress to fall in and out of love with eachother in a short period of time. A Little Friendly Advice was definitely not just some coming-of-age tale; it stuck and stung a little more than a short novel would.
The first chapter begins on Ruby’s birthday. In the modestly petite kitchen, her ecstatic mother (who is almost like another friend) give her daughter an old Polaroid camera that’s very “vintage.” Ruby proceeds to snap pictures of everything and everyone in the process of the novel, as if to piece together fragments of her life like a jigsaw puzzle. The night is ruined when her long-lost father reappears after ten years.The remainder of the thirty seven chapters becomes a non-stop rollercoaster, in which Ruby’s emotions are torn and muddled. Each scene is followed by an alternating flashback, from her father leaving them, to moving from their old house and Ruby’s introspection on how she became such a recluse after her family portrait was shattered.
The most memorable flashback occurred during Ruby’s visit at Beth’s house towards the end of the novle. She is in the living room, observing the photogenic family’s photographs and of how out of place she is in some of them (camping and skiing trips); then it proceeds to a chapter of her igloo outing with Beth. As hard as her best friend tried to mend Ruby’s life, it was no use without the closure from the truth that she needed when her father came back to town. The pervading feeling of a single-parent teenager can crawl up on a reader very quickly, especially when it is the protagonist’s agony.
At times, the other characters lacked nuance but could be due to the short amount of time given in the book. There’s tom-boy and timid Ruby, who tries to sort her life out while she begins a blossoming relationship with artistic and sentimental guy named Charlie. He’s the type who doesn’t hang with the other guys, the macho jock types. There’s flirtatious Maria, who is all about hooking up and being the cheerful one in the clan. Then, loner Katherine, who is considered almost the outcast of the group. Not much detail on her character except that she packs a lot of anger for her father who left her family. Although she and Ruby are almost going through the same dilemma, they hardly connect. Ah, then there is Beth, the anal-retentive best friend that makes you feel like hell would freeze over if you don’t follow her advice. The fact that she constantly tries to convince Ruby to stop trying to reconnect with her father and the hiding of the father’s letter to Ruby, created a very blatant foreshadowing that there would be heavy conflicts between the two of them.. Even after the resolution, I don’t think any friendship would be shaped the same again. Despite her cheerful exterior, Ruby’s mother holds a secret that eventually becomes a breaking point for them all. Supposing that she has kept such a burdensome wall between her and Ruby, it comes with no surprise that Beth was always the one who assumed the “do what I say or else” motherly role.
But even if she crossed the line between giving simple advice and being too bossy, Beth has her own attributes when it comes to helping a friend in need. In one the chapters, right before another flashback, Ruby recalls Beth say that “Journals are sometimes like photo albums. People don’t put in the ugly pictures. They just keep the ones where they look pretty and happy.” Honestly brutal, but the truth nonethless. At first, her character seemed like an everlasting thorn prick to the side of your organs, that continues to slip deeper, but after the amazing truth spills out of the secret that both Beth and Ruby’s mom kept for the past decade, you kind of appreciate the fact that a best friend is there to mend your heart.
Finally, the confrontation with Beth provided enough closure as the climax died down but at the same time left open-ended issues about the recovery of their friendship. Same goes for the relationship between Ruby and Charlie. Bonds do come and go but it is really what you make of if in the present that matters. The novel ends on a brighter note, when arguments and tears have subsided, so readers can rest assure that they won’t be closing the book to a heartache.
Though intended for readers of 13 and up, Vivian’s novel can be quite suitable for a college student like me. Afterall, who hasn’t dealt with the high school drama? It is as if Vivian pats you on the back as tells you, “It’s ok, we’ve all been there.”
Friday, September 28, 2007
September in Review
My first blog here and I thought I might as well make it detailed as I can of this month's happenings..lots of interesting things have passed but I'll be blogging every now and then for those of you who actually have the time to read.
The madness of how fast everything is rushing by has actually given me enough inspiration to become a bit more articulate and confident with myself and I'm happy to say that it's been a good first month so far in this semester. I mean, from being quiet and timid in high school to just stop being paranoid about me me me, and actually getting down to business, is pretty positive for me.
On Commuting to NYU and school in gen: not as bad as last year. I'm complacent and not as whiny as I was freshmen year. Commuter Circle is something to look forward to even if the Path train's inferno is a killer.People are cool and there are game nights where you can just let go of whatever it is you've got on your mind. I like playing the piano in the newfound 6tth floor music rooms and singing again. also, taboo, spade and jenga. i'm a kid.
On Classes: Changed my schedule at least 10 times before finally ending my insanity. Grades are stable, I don't really do much for any of my classes for some reason. Journalism is a really good class if you're into politics and writing. My mother hates the idea that someday I might some sort of rogue journalist travelling to third world countries getting mulled by commies..something along those lines. .. My profound love for the south asian culture intensifies within each lecture of world cultures india. we don't focus much on religion, simply on the economics of the nation and it's disposition during the reign of great britain. nat. sci. - chemistry is always fun to balance equations and brit lit is another subject i'm debating whether or not to major in.
On Pledging for Sororities: It's something I just thought I'd get into because I promised to be more involved this semester. I'm currently pledging for Phi Chi Theta, because Nancy so wanted me to. It's a business sorority, if I decide that I finally want to major in Econ and Journalism. It'll be something to look forward to! As long as there is no hazing...
On Movies (Good ones) : A good way to end this month is always with some random movie night with friends. Finally got to hang out with Yas Essa on Monday night- watched Resident Evil L Extinction, again another disappointment. Good luck Chuck was alright with the inevitability of guys drooling over Jessica Alba and hyperactive Dane Cook being himself. I can't wait until I get to watch Across The Universe. If you haven't heard of it yet, it's the entire rendition of the Beatles and a love story in between. Again, generalizing. Still, go out and see it.
Moulin Rouge - personally, i prefer this piece of art far better than High school Musical. Just being honest. I mean, how many movies do you see that would turn a song from the Police into a tango? It's so theatrical and wonderfully done.
Jeux D Enfants - La vie en rose (life in pink) has become one of my favorite french songs. it's so quirky of a romantic film and it'll actually convince you that love actually exists. hated the ending, almost as much as titanic. you see for yourself.
Suicide Club - The scene begins with 50 Japanese school girls lined up in front of the train platform...and they jump as the train approaches. Gory and always that very eerie silence and lighting. hated the ending and the weird singing.
THURSDAY
On Obama: In the midst of the unpleasantly humid weather at NYU we had Barack Obama speak to us last night at Washington Square Park. Change happens from the bottom up, so he says. I mean, at the moment it seemed like he knew what we all wanted and knew just how to get it. Yes, we all He's one hell of a speaker, as most politicans are. But simply put, I'm holding off on any judgments for just now. Fire it up. ready to go.
On the random Rutgers party expedition:Alright, it was like 9 and I went to New Brunswick. Smirnoff shots and some a lot of walking. Anyway, still had an 8 AM class and a brit lit presentation to pull off. GOOD TIMES.
On Books:
Choke by Chuck Palanuik - oh my god incredibly genius and never a dull moment. it's definitely a favorite for a nihilist who doesn't give a shit about life. A lot of sex and profanity. It's very addictive, trust me.
Bodies in Motion by Mary Ann Mohanraj - very poetic, linear in the family trees and very bittersweet in all of its separate tales of south asians in uniting and dividing. there's way too much to explain, but there's romance, eroticism, customs and tragedy of course.
Currenlty, I'm reading A Little Friendly Advice by Siobhan Vivian to write a book review, which isnt to be publlished until next year and I'm writing a review for it. So if you're interested, keep yourself posted because I'll have it by next week. The novel is kind of reminscent of the Sisterhood of the travelling pants (2005), with four best friends and their stories and revelations together.
On Music: I recommend Maroon 5 "It Wont Be Soon Before Long" - it's just sensual and something to groove to. I like Back at your Door, Makes me wonder and Nothing Lasts Forever. Kanye West "Graduation" - definitely took down 50's album. Some songs needs getting used to.Also see: Feist - 1234, The Go! Team - Keys to the City, Marie Digby (cover of Umbrella) and Alicia Keys
On Interning: It's pretty neat, I do things on my own time. CosmoGirl! is more relatable in terms of fellow gal peers and my very cool Entertainment Editor mentor Rachel Chang. She's my idol, because she's done it all and I've read all of her interviews, articles, etc. It's just so cool to be working for the place that provided you with vision of the young girl that's still at heart. Something sentimental as such. Second day, got snapshots taken of me individually for future photoshoots when they need "regular" models for events to come such as Calvin Klein. Also I'm actually writing this blog to practice writing blogs for their website in the near future. It's unbelievable but I really have to keep my had inflated and not worry so much about the future. And of course, I'm gonna have to concentrate on balancing my grades and study ethics.
On Sleep Deprivation: I've been running on red bull and 3 hours of sleep .that is all. no calls.
Finally, R.I.P. to Allan Oakley Hunter III (AKA Trey) He committed suicide last week at U-Hall. You're in our hearts. If you want more information, I'm putting this link up not because I'm inconsiderate but because I don't want to get much into detail on delicate issues that I am not fully aware: http://media.www.nyunews.com/media/storage/paper869/news/2007/09/24/News/Freshman.Dies.In.Apparent.Suicide-2986996.shtml
So that is all for this September's recap. Keep posted if you liked what you read whether its of my lfe and some of the reviews.
email me at cyeung@hearst.com for comments/questions etc.
also posted @ myspace.com/cindex
The madness of how fast everything is rushing by has actually given me enough inspiration to become a bit more articulate and confident with myself and I'm happy to say that it's been a good first month so far in this semester. I mean, from being quiet and timid in high school to just stop being paranoid about me me me, and actually getting down to business, is pretty positive for me.
On Commuting to NYU and school in gen: not as bad as last year. I'm complacent and not as whiny as I was freshmen year. Commuter Circle is something to look forward to even if the Path train's inferno is a killer.People are cool and there are game nights where you can just let go of whatever it is you've got on your mind. I like playing the piano in the newfound 6tth floor music rooms and singing again. also, taboo, spade and jenga. i'm a kid.
On Classes: Changed my schedule at least 10 times before finally ending my insanity. Grades are stable, I don't really do much for any of my classes for some reason. Journalism is a really good class if you're into politics and writing. My mother hates the idea that someday I might some sort of rogue journalist travelling to third world countries getting mulled by commies..something along those lines. .. My profound love for the south asian culture intensifies within each lecture of world cultures india. we don't focus much on religion, simply on the economics of the nation and it's disposition during the reign of great britain. nat. sci. - chemistry is always fun to balance equations and brit lit is another subject i'm debating whether or not to major in.
On Pledging for Sororities: It's something I just thought I'd get into because I promised to be more involved this semester. I'm currently pledging for Phi Chi Theta, because Nancy so wanted me to. It's a business sorority, if I decide that I finally want to major in Econ and Journalism. It'll be something to look forward to! As long as there is no hazing...
On Movies (Good ones) : A good way to end this month is always with some random movie night with friends. Finally got to hang out with Yas Essa on Monday night- watched Resident Evil L Extinction, again another disappointment. Good luck Chuck was alright with the inevitability of guys drooling over Jessica Alba and hyperactive Dane Cook being himself. I can't wait until I get to watch Across The Universe. If you haven't heard of it yet, it's the entire rendition of the Beatles and a love story in between. Again, generalizing. Still, go out and see it.
Moulin Rouge - personally, i prefer this piece of art far better than High school Musical. Just being honest. I mean, how many movies do you see that would turn a song from the Police into a tango? It's so theatrical and wonderfully done.
Jeux D Enfants - La vie en rose (life in pink) has become one of my favorite french songs. it's so quirky of a romantic film and it'll actually convince you that love actually exists. hated the ending, almost as much as titanic. you see for yourself.
Suicide Club - The scene begins with 50 Japanese school girls lined up in front of the train platform...and they jump as the train approaches. Gory and always that very eerie silence and lighting. hated the ending and the weird singing.
THURSDAY
On Obama: In the midst of the unpleasantly humid weather at NYU we had Barack Obama speak to us last night at Washington Square Park. Change happens from the bottom up, so he says. I mean, at the moment it seemed like he knew what we all wanted and knew just how to get it. Yes, we all He's one hell of a speaker, as most politicans are. But simply put, I'm holding off on any judgments for just now. Fire it up. ready to go.
On the random Rutgers party expedition:Alright, it was like 9 and I went to New Brunswick. Smirnoff shots and some a lot of walking. Anyway, still had an 8 AM class and a brit lit presentation to pull off. GOOD TIMES.
On Books:
Choke by Chuck Palanuik - oh my god incredibly genius and never a dull moment. it's definitely a favorite for a nihilist who doesn't give a shit about life. A lot of sex and profanity. It's very addictive, trust me.
Bodies in Motion by Mary Ann Mohanraj - very poetic, linear in the family trees and very bittersweet in all of its separate tales of south asians in uniting and dividing. there's way too much to explain, but there's romance, eroticism, customs and tragedy of course.
Currenlty, I'm reading A Little Friendly Advice by Siobhan Vivian to write a book review, which isnt to be publlished until next year and I'm writing a review for it. So if you're interested, keep yourself posted because I'll have it by next week. The novel is kind of reminscent of the Sisterhood of the travelling pants (2005), with four best friends and their stories and revelations together.
On Music: I recommend Maroon 5 "It Wont Be Soon Before Long" - it's just sensual and something to groove to. I like Back at your Door, Makes me wonder and Nothing Lasts Forever. Kanye West "Graduation" - definitely took down 50's album. Some songs needs getting used to.Also see: Feist - 1234, The Go! Team - Keys to the City, Marie Digby (cover of Umbrella) and Alicia Keys
On Interning: It's pretty neat, I do things on my own time. CosmoGirl! is more relatable in terms of fellow gal peers and my very cool Entertainment Editor mentor Rachel Chang. She's my idol, because she's done it all and I've read all of her interviews, articles, etc. It's just so cool to be working for the place that provided you with vision of the young girl that's still at heart. Something sentimental as such. Second day, got snapshots taken of me individually for future photoshoots when they need "regular" models for events to come such as Calvin Klein. Also I'm actually writing this blog to practice writing blogs for their website in the near future. It's unbelievable but I really have to keep my had inflated and not worry so much about the future. And of course, I'm gonna have to concentrate on balancing my grades and study ethics.
On Sleep Deprivation: I've been running on red bull and 3 hours of sleep .that is all. no calls.
Finally, R.I.P. to Allan Oakley Hunter III (AKA Trey) He committed suicide last week at U-Hall. You're in our hearts. If you want more information, I'm putting this link up not because I'm inconsiderate but because I don't want to get much into detail on delicate issues that I am not fully aware: http://media.www.nyunews.com/media/storage/paper869/news/2007/09/24/News/Freshman.Dies.In.Apparent.Suicide-2986996.shtml
So that is all for this September's recap. Keep posted if you liked what you read whether its of my lfe and some of the reviews.
email me at cyeung@hearst.com for comments/questions etc.
also posted @ myspace.com/cindex
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